Friday, October 8, 2010

Seriously Blessed... Like Seriously.

Those of you who know me know that I am a very blessed guy.

I'm blessed with a supportive, loving family who keeps in regular contact with me.

I'm blessed with a boyfriend who stands by my side even at my darkest hours and lifts me up even though I'm petty and ungrateful at times.

I'm blessed with a job that pays my bills and leaves me with enough cash to do nice things for myself and my loved ones.

I'm blessed to live in a city and have a job where I can have my boyfriend and talk about him without fear of losing my job or public condemnation.

I'm blessed to live in a country where the rights of men are continually being fought for, even if sometimes there is collateral damage or retreat.

I'm blessed to have opened my mind to the possibilities of goodness in all things, and truth in all things instead of limiting my joy to the confines of an LDS chapel.

I'm blessed to have good health, and I pledge to work harder to take care of my splendid body.

I'm blessed with friends who love me and support me, who make my lives better with their warmth and compassion.

Sometimes, however, one needs to be reminded. And I'm a bit ashamed to say that I need reminding a lot of times. Last night I came home to a small package from my little sister, Katie. It was a birthday present which I'd all but forgotten about her telling me she was going to send. Obviously, it's very late, but it was well worth it. The package contained a small 'zine' called "2,500 miles of recycled air" which contains 4-5 pages of outlined drawings of things you'd see out a plane window. It's really awesome and I love it.

But that wasn't even the best part. Inside a small envelope was a CD with a song on it Katie had written just for me! It was awesome. Give it a listen for yourself if you want, but I can't guarantee that you'll understand all the inside jokes. But you'll walk away knowing what I do–My sister truly loves me.

Which was never in doubt, but all the same, it made the conversation I had with her last night all the more easy. My little sister is seriously considering a mission.

And she has been terrified and worried that I would be angry or resentful to her because of how the Church views me.

To cut a very long conversation short, the gist of it was this. I want her to go, and I hope she gets assigned state-side. Because if she really wants to find out answers re: homosexuality, representing the poster-child of anti-LGBT sentiment in America today will force her to discuss and pray about it constantly.

It may tear her to pieces... but maybe that's what she needs? It's what I needed.

I'm confident that she will grow and learn from this experience, and who am I to tell her what's best for her right now. God may end up showing her the same things he showed me... that everyone who loves is living in Christ.

Until next time, I love you all.


Friday, October 1, 2010

Long Overdue Update...

I hope you all don't think I've died. Maybe most of you don't even read this blog anymore, or have deleted if from your aggregators and RSS feed readers due to inactivity.

It would make me very happy to know that at least to those who know me still read. Maybe you can leave a comment just saying that you saw this?

There are so many things I'd love to start talking about but I know that I'm going to go all over the place unless I can stay focused on a few select topics. Then maybe I can write another post in the future.

A lot has changed since I last posted. Many who are also my Facebook friends know that I'm in a relationship with Wil Browne, who is my half icelandic half japanese sweetheart. It's been a long road to arrive at nine months (We consider the day we became "official boyfriends" to be Jan 26th, 2010.) but in the end we have grown stronger, helping each other through the rough spots.

I've never been in a relationship before. Sadly, gay men don't have much to go on when it comes to having committed monogamous relationship role-models. And since this is my first relationship, I sometimes get hung up on what should or shouldn't be. "Is [standard relationship issue] normal?" "Do I really love him? Or am I just afraid I won't ever find better?" etc.

Over time, I've learned that I don't need to worry about what-ifs. If I'm happy now, then enjoy it, and deal with problems or issues as they arrive. You can never know what might happen. He may visit Chicago and meet someone who blows me out of the water, and it could end like that. But it hasn't yet, so we're still working towards making each day as good or better then the past.

This weekend, we're traveling to Chicago as the last destination of our JetBlue All You Can Jet pass. We've spent more time together in the last month then ever before, but all it's done is prove to me that I really do love him.

I've still got a lot of growing and healing to do, and I apologize to my friends whom I've undoubtedly neglected as I've embarked on my relationship journey. It's been difficult for me to learn how to maintain my own personal life when I've got my man around. I can't say I've been perfect, but I'm getting better.

Wil and I do have some delightful fun times though. For example, here's a fun story: When we were flying back from NYC, we didn't have anyone sitting next to us on the flight, which was perfect because Wil could slump sideways against me and we could snuggle on the flight. The flight attendants saw us and were obviously pleased, because about halfway through the flight, we were asked very apologetically if we could move so they could seat another passenger there. Her TV was not working and she wanted to watch.

We sat up and a woman was seated next to us. She started to watch her program, and I placed my hand on Wil's knee. After a while, our new seatmate noticed this, and became immediately visibly uncomfortable. Wil also noticed, and wordlessly rested his head my shoulder, putting his hand on mine. Nothing obscene, just a tender closeness.

This woman immediately got fidgety. She couldn't focus on her TV, and before another commercial break, the woman stood up and moved back to her original seat!

I couldn't believe that a simple gesture of affection could make a grown woman so uncomfortable, especially on a flight from NYC to Burbank!

Anyway, I'll try to post more later. Love you all lots. Leave me a comment and say hello if you feel compelled. :)