I hope you all don't think I've died. Maybe most of you don't even read this blog anymore, or have deleted if from your aggregators and RSS feed readers due to inactivity.
It would make me very happy to know that at least to those who know me still read. Maybe you can leave a comment just saying that you saw this?
There are so many things I'd love to start talking about but I know that I'm going to go all over the place unless I can stay focused on a few select topics. Then maybe I can write another post in the future.
A lot has changed since I last posted. Many who are also my Facebook friends know that I'm in a relationship with Wil Browne, who is my half icelandic half japanese sweetheart. It's been a long road to arrive at nine months (We consider the day we became "official boyfriends" to be Jan 26th, 2010.) but in the end we have grown stronger, helping each other through the rough spots.
I've never been in a relationship before. Sadly, gay men don't have much to go on when it comes to having committed monogamous relationship role-models. And since this is my first relationship, I sometimes get hung up on what should or shouldn't be. "Is [standard relationship issue] normal?" "Do I really love him? Or am I just afraid I won't ever find better?" etc.
Over time, I've learned that I don't need to worry about what-ifs. If I'm happy now, then enjoy it, and deal with problems or issues as they arrive. You can never know what might happen. He may visit Chicago and meet someone who blows me out of the water, and it could end like that. But it hasn't yet, so we're still working towards making each day as good or better then the past.
This weekend, we're traveling to Chicago as the last destination of our JetBlue All You Can Jet pass. We've spent more time together in the last month then ever before, but all it's done is prove to me that I really do love him.
I've still got a lot of growing and healing to do, and I apologize to my friends whom I've undoubtedly neglected as I've embarked on my relationship journey. It's been difficult for me to learn how to maintain my own personal life when I've got my man around. I can't say I've been perfect, but I'm getting better.
Wil and I do have some delightful fun times though. For example, here's a fun story: When we were flying back from NYC, we didn't have anyone sitting next to us on the flight, which was perfect because Wil could slump sideways against me and we could snuggle on the flight. The flight attendants saw us and were obviously pleased, because about halfway through the flight, we were asked very apologetically if we could move so they could seat another passenger there. Her TV was not working and she wanted to watch.
We sat up and a woman was seated next to us. She started to watch her program, and I placed my hand on Wil's knee. After a while, our new seatmate noticed this, and became immediately visibly uncomfortable. Wil also noticed, and wordlessly rested his head my shoulder, putting his hand on mine. Nothing obscene, just a tender closeness.
This woman immediately got fidgety. She couldn't focus on her TV, and before another commercial break, the woman stood up and moved back to her original seat!
I couldn't believe that a simple gesture of affection could make a grown woman so uncomfortable, especially on a flight from NYC to Burbank!
Anyway, I'll try to post more later. Love you all lots. Leave me a comment and say hello if you feel compelled. :)