Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Self Perception

So I actually think I look pretty good--and people have often told me I'm handsome. But I don't believe them, and I really don't believe myself.  This probably stems from the (in my mind, logical) obvious conclusion that I'm single and hot people aren't single (at least not for long).  Of course looks are only one part of a person's ability to get a guy--personality is huge, but thats not what this post is about.

Last weekend, the TV campaign I was working on provided us with free t-shirts for the film.  They only had up to XL, and I always buy XXL shirts.  But I tried on this XL shirt (it was black and form fitting) and the girl who works as edit assist said "Ezra, you look really good in that shirt, you should wear t-shirts more often!"

It was a surprising revelation.  I have shied away from t-shirts, favoring plaid button downs instead, as I am required to wear collared shirts for work.   I always thought that t-shirts made my man-boobs look more obvious and therefore, ugly.  But I've lost 30 pounds since last May, and I'm still wearing the same clothes and dressing the same as I did then!

On my date with Ben last weekend (which was okay, but we both agreed we're not a good match) he said that he didn't have a type--it could be anyone so long as they're not fat or ugly.  I laughed and I said "There's obviously something wrong with your vision, you're on a date with me!"

He smiled and said "You're not fat, you're chubby".

I'VE BEEN DOWNGRADED!!! LOL.  I'm still very much clinically obese, (BMI=34.6) but at the same time, I think carry my weight very well.

Lastly, my therapist told me that she thinks I have a style and that I just haven't developed it for myself yet.

So this last Saturday I went shopping for some new clothes.  I've never even set foot into a store like Aeropostale before--I'd never have fit into anything there one year ago.  But now, I was easily able to find clothes that fit and looked great! See the two outfits I got below:

Left, Macys; Right, Aeropostale.

I bought "skinny" jeans!  Not spray on jeans, mind you, but jeans that fit snugly around my legs--and I looked damn good, and my roommate's girlfriend and many folks on Facebook agreed!

That night I went down to West Hollywood, (AKA Gay Mecca) for my friend Spencer's going away bash.  As I parked my car and walked down Santa Monica Blvd in the outfit on the left (my skinny jeans and black shirt with patches and rolled up sleeves) I couldn't help but feel good.  As I passed a restaurant patio, several guys were clearly glancing my way!  Even if they didn't look for long, the point was that they were noticing me at all!  This is not something I'm used to by any means!

Basically, I'm feeling much better about my self image, and I've really enjoyed finding new clothes that work well for me.  I've committed to buying a few things every other week or so to build a better, cuter wardrobe... I like looking good, and though I'm far from a fashionista, I'm finding that I do like the way a good outfit makes me feel.

Do clothes make the man?  Or do they just help accent the wonderful man that's already within each of us?  Some may call it vain, but couldn't you say the same thing about the Mormon Temple?  It's made with the highest quality materials, and prominently displayed because it is God's house.   And my body is a temple, right?

Anyway, I suppose the whole purpose of this post was to show off how good I'm looking and feeling lately--sorry for being a bit self-serving.

I love you all and can't wait to see you when I get to Salt Lake for the next Moho Party!


  1. they say clothes make the man, but it's more often the other way 'round. Kurt Cobain made a torn up pair of jeans and dirty t-shirt cool. Of course, his muttonheaded followers imitated his clothing style, failing to realize that he could wear that stuff and still be Cobain, and they were still just idiots in raggedy clothes who needed haircuts. (I was one of the idiots, so I can talk).

    Your outlook is as important as how you look.

    As far as going to West/North Hollywood to get attention, it was a fad of sorts for straight dudes to do that in the early 1990s... I never did it, but I have friends I could name who wouldn't admit as much today. Cheap, very cheap... LOL!

  2. I think that clothes can help you feel more like yourself, which is probably how you felt walking down the street..not like you were hiding youself under clothes too big. They don't make you, but they can make you feel more comfortable in your own skin.

    Good work on the new outfits, you really do look good in them and I'm glad that you can see that too.

  3. I've been in you EXACT. SHOES.

    I won't even disclose my highest weight, it was...

    Anyway, Aeropostle was MY first foray into new clothing options as well! That's funny.

    Good job and good luck!

  4. Ezra, You are doing a great job. You look fantastic in those photos. Keep up the good work you can do it. I use to wear walmart everything Right now at this very moment Every article of clothing on my body is From Aeropostale. It is crazy how when we change what we wear affects how we feel about ourself. There is nothing wrong with dressing nice if it makes you happy. Love ya bud TTYL