I first opened myself up to the possibility of actually dating a guy back in the first week of September. At the suggestion of my roommate, I created a profile on a dating site, and started messaging.
Sadly, I was almost universally ignored. It was saddening because I had finally allowed myself to try, and I was facing rejection after rejection. I'd been alone so long that I wanted desperately to have someone to give all my love to, to say sweet nothings to. And finally I was open to it, but I couldn't find anyone.
At least anyone that I liked back.
I went on dates with several different guys, grabbing a bite or watching a movie and snuggling on the couch. It was wonderful to have some male intimacy in my life, but I always shut them down after a date or two because of lack of --je ne sais pas, of chemistry. And the last thing I want is to lead someone on in order to fufill my own desire for companionship, that's really low.
So months have passed, sending message after message, being ignored and generally beginning to think that being out and open was almost the same as being in the closet.
But on Sunday I got a message from a new guy, and I'm very optimistic about it. I'm trying to take it slow, but he seems attracted to me, and I think he's cute for many reasons. It's somewhat frustrating because I met this guy right before leaving the state for essentially two weeks. Argh.
Whilst here in Utah for Christmas, I fully intend to reveal my sexuality to my little sister. She'll be the last sibling brought into the know, but only because I haven't seen her in person since I started coming to terms with myself.
Anyway, to all my fellow Mohos--closeted and out, married and single, devout and ex-mormon, I wish you the happiest of Holidays and a very Merry Christmas. You all deserve it, and I love you so much for the guidance and love I receive from you.
God Bless Us, Everyone!