Thoughts? Feedback? Questions?

My journal series is done for now. Maybe later this fall, I'll feel courageous enough to post my journals from when I started cuddling with Seth--its an incredible read, from just one year later. Would that be of interest?

Does anyone have any feedback or thoughts on my two year old way of thinking? I was a bit disappointed at the lack of feedback and commentary on my entries. It made me wonder if perhaps people were just in shock at how obsessive and scary I was about trying to change my sexuality. I don't know.

But you can see how much I wanted to be straight. You can see how hard I was trying to make myself straight. You can understand my frustrations and my pain.

I'm concerned that my progress is still so insignificant. I still don't see being gay as a blessing or a gift. I still see it as a flaw, a defect. I no longer feel guilty about it--any more than someone who was born with any genetic defect has no say or fault in the matter. I wish I could see my homosexuality the same way I see, say, my left-handedness.

I love being left handed--sure, the world is set up for right-handed people. My life might be a little easier if I was right handed--but I don't really think about it--it doesn't matter, because I'm proud to be left handed. It makes me special, and I feel happy when I consider that left handed people are often more creative as they are right brain dominant.

So why can't I embrace my sexuality in the same way? Why do you think, especially after reading these very personal journals, I still perceive it as a flaw? For those who DO feel proud and happy about being gay--how did you arrive there? What changed your point of view?

Some Great Advice From Craigslist

I found this on craigslist many months ago, and it's some of the most simple and good dating advice I've ever read. Who'd have thought? Mind you, easier said than done, but hey--you gotta try!

(this advice was originally given with reference to a girl, but I've gone through for convenience and changed it to a guy.)

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You need to cultivate and exude SELF-POSSESSION.

You must have the attitude that you know you're okay, desirable, etc, regardless of how anyone else responds to you. So, you do not NEED to get a positive response from anyone else. Not arrogant, just independent. This makes you cheerful and thankful.

You are free to show that you ENJOY other people and APPRECIATE them, because you are not afraid that they will reject you.

The natural attitude of a self-possessed winner is to be PLAYFUL.

This not only reflects your independent self-confidence, but also that you appreciate how fortunate you are, etc. Having a playful attitude is appealing to others, and it's an enjoyable way for you to go through your day - it's a victory in itself.

It might help you if you were to imagine how you might interact with a very desirable guy you just happened to meet out in public, if you were already deep into a great relationship with some other amazing guy, and there was no way you want to start dating this guy you just met.

Your mentality would be:

"This is probably the only time I will see this guy or talk to him, so the only thing to do is just enjoy these few minutes for the inherent reward of our little chat now. I don't want or need anything from this guy, because I'm already getting plenty of it from someone else. I can just enjoy this new guy's personality, his smile, etc, right now. No need to be impressive, no need to fear his disapproval of something I say, etc. I can just enjoy being myself, a happy guy who appreciates other people. Hmm, he's interesting, so I'll ask him about him - opinions, etc. If I just talk about me, I don't find out anything I didn't already know."

That's about it from me. Like I said, other responses were very helpful.

I hope mine is helpful to someone...

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I really like this advice--hopefully it helps you too.