I found this on craigslist many months ago, and it's some of the most simple and good dating advice I've ever read. Who'd have thought? Mind you, easier said than done, but hey--you gotta try!
(this advice was originally given with reference to a girl, but I've gone through for convenience and changed it to a guy.)
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You need to cultivate and exude SELF-POSSESSION.
You must have the attitude that you know you're okay, desirable, etc, regardless of how anyone else responds to you. So, you do not NEED to get a positive response from anyone else. Not arrogant, just independent. This makes you cheerful and thankful.
You are free to show that you ENJOY other people and APPRECIATE them, because you are not afraid that they will reject you.
The natural attitude of a self-possessed winner is to be PLAYFUL.
This not only reflects your independent self-confidence, but also that you appreciate how fortunate you are, etc. Having a playful attitude is appealing to others, and it's an enjoyable way for you to go through your day - it's a victory in itself.
It might help you if you were to imagine how you might interact with a very desirable guy you just happened to meet out in public, if you were already deep into a great relationship with some other amazing guy, and there was no way you want to start dating this guy you just met.
Your mentality would be:
"This is probably the only time I will see this guy or talk to him, so the only thing to do is just enjoy these few minutes for the inherent reward of our little chat now. I don't want or need anything from this guy, because I'm already getting plenty of it from someone else. I can just enjoy this new guy's personality, his smile, etc, right now. No need to be impressive, no need to fear his disapproval of something I say, etc. I can just enjoy being myself, a happy guy who appreciates other people. Hmm, he's interesting, so I'll ask him about him - opinions, etc. If I just talk about me, I don't find out anything I didn't already know."
That's about it from me. Like I said, other responses were very helpful.
I hope mine is helpful to someone...
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I really like this advice--hopefully it helps you too.
That's great stuff Ezra. Craigslist! Who knew?
ReplyDeleteThat actually is really great advice!
ReplyDeleteThis hints a lot at "living in the moment," which is so much harder to do than it sounds. Leave your baggage (past) and fear (future) out of it, and each moment and it's easier to appreciate others as well as be appreciated as your best natural self.
ReplyDelete