So during some down time at work, I was perusing the "Strictly Platonic" m4m section of craigslist, (I know what you're thinking, but I really was looking more for friends or dating, hence the platonic/misc romance section.) and I came across and ad titled "i want to die... - m4m - 19".
In his post, he talked about how he was depressed and wanted to be dead--he wasn't going to kill himself, but he just needed someone who was around his age who he could talk to about it, who understood.
If you've been reading my blog, you know that I was in a similar place this weekend, so I responded and basically condensed my last two posts into an e-mail. I told him that I was 22 and I'd been there, and if he wanted to chat about it, he could IM me.
And so he did.
Christopher told me that he was very grateful for my e-mail, and that it was evident to him that I "got it". He said he felt weird because had two or three close friends online, but he felt like talking to strangers. That's not weird at all, in my opinion. I told him that you want someone totally removed, so you can share only what you feel is relevant and not be judged based on pre-existing grudges or opinions. I think that made him feel validated, which I feel is always vital to do--when someone is down, you need to validate them, tell them it's okay to feel shitty, and that they're entitled to feel how they feel.
After some chit-chat, Christopher (figuratively) turned the mic over to me, and this is the transcript of what happened (cleaned up a bit for ease of reading)
Christopher: so if you don't mind me asking, what are your issues? do you want to rant?
Christopher: i mean
Christopher: just bitch about any and everything without me judging you or thinking they are insignificant
Ezra: Well, I don't mind sharing with you
Ezra: it's pretty straightforward on the surface, actually.
Ezra: Obviously, I was browsing the m4m platonic personals, so you can probably figure I'm gay.
Christopher: i wasn't going to ask, but had a feeling
Ezra: Well, I only came out in September.
Ezra: I was raised LDS (Mormon) my whole life.
Christopher: fuckkkkkkk you
Christopher: ME TOO
Christopher: best friends
Ezra: Are you serious?
Christopher: ok go on
Ezra: Dude, welcome to the Moho club!
Ezra: (Mormon Homosexual!)Ezra: moho!Christopher: time for a virtual hug
Christopher: well my heart just went crazy beating
Christopher: there are so few of us
Ezra: That's awesome. Yes, there are very fewChristopher: or rather
Christopher: you know what i mean
Ezra: I know lots of gay mormons (at least 20) but most of them live in the Salt Lake area
Christopher: yeah i know just a few
Ezra: that i've met through the moho queerosphere
Christopher: i mean i know there are a lot
Christopher: just not as many that admit it
Ezra: OMG you've just made my day.
Christopher: and VERY few that are out and STILL consider themselves mormon
Ezra: Right. Do you still consider yourself mormon?
Christopher: good question
Christopher: but i think you know what i mean
Ezra: I consider myself definately culturally mormon
Ezra: it'll always be part of me
Ezra: I see no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater in terms of all the good things the church represents
Christopher: thank you
Christopher: thank you
Ezra: but basically, I came to the realization that there was no future for me in the church
Christopher: you can't keep going to youth activities
Ezra: and one sunday, I just stood up after sacrament meeting i stood up and realized i wasn't coming back
Christopher: and elder's quorum is just AWKWARD
Christopher: and you can't serve a mission nor do you really want to...
Christopher: and it's like...
Christopher: why am i still here?
Our conversation continued for quite a while, and we talked about a lot of things--but needless to say, I told him we have to hang out. He said that sounded good, but "first and foremost", he cautioned, "I have someone right now".
I laughed. I told him I'd be lying if I said that it hadn't crossed my mind, but that I was mostly just interested in getting to know him--one Moho to another.
My father always used to say that when life is full of serendipity and coincidence, and things just "fall into place" it's because you are in harmony with the universe, and heading down the right path.
:) I'm all smiles.