Friday, February 6, 2009

Dr. Hypocrisy OR How I Learned To Quit Feeling Bad About Ignoring Someone

It's a long title for a relatively simple post.

Basically, it used to bother me when people would ignore my messages on OKcupid.  It would bring me down, making me think "God, am I really that ugly/fat/uninteresting that I can't even talk to you and be your friend"?

But today, someone actually messaged me first, and I have zero physical attraction to this person.  They aren't ugly, they seem like they might be nice, but all the same, I'm just not interested in giving up any of my valuable time to someone I don't even have an inkling of desire for in the first place.  And while in theory I want new friends, the reality is I barely get to see the friends I already have... and who wants a friend who secretly wants to be your lover anyway?  It's just awkward.

Granted, this makes me realize that is the same thought process went through the minds of the hundreds (maybe not hundreds, but dozens) of guys who I've messaged that ignore me, and that kind of hurts, but why?

I don't want someone's pity or charity.  I want them to truly be interested in me for who I am.

From now on, I choose to be glad when I'm ignored.  Because if someone politely but vaguely responds, my lonely self automatically goes into hyper-boyfriend-seek-and-destroy mode and I start imagining things that just aren't there, and it always ends up in disappointment.

So I am glad this person messaged me, and I wish I could tell them why without sounding like a dick.  But it's true--he has helped me to be more accepting of rejection.

Weird how things go like that, huh?

1 comment:

  1. Ezra, Can you tell me how OKCupid works? Does it assume that opposites attract, or that certain personality types are complimentary, or that having similiar traits and interests makes for compatability, or is it some patented combination of all of the above?

    p.s. Great post. Sounds like you are enjoying some well-earned wisdom.