Moho Halloween!

As many of you know, I went to Salt Lake City and visited with all my moho blogger friends. It was so wonderful and I had some great experiences.

Most of you were at the party, and know it was a nice time with lots of socialization and some great costumes. It was a really good time, but many of my readers were there, so I'm going to skip to the "after party" if you will... haha!

After the Moho party and Scott's house, Canyon, his friend C. and I went to this club in SLC to get a drink and dance a bit. It seems a little weird to think about gay bars in Salt Lake City, but I'm glad they exist—the immediate difference I noticed was that this place was practically empty, whereas on halloween night gay bars in LA are twice as packed as normal!

We went to the bar, and the 'tender said all they serve is beer (probably a result of SLC's ridiculous liquor laws). Canyon hates beer, and our very attentive bartender offered to make us "samples" of different beers with juice mixed in. So we took him up on the offer, and he made us three samples. I tried the first one, which tasted like cranberry juice. He told me it was called "Cranberry Summer Breeze" (which he said with a playful lisp) and I laughed, it was actually really good--cranberry juice, soda water and michelob. So I got that. There were two others, one with OJ and another with Lemonade (Canyon got the lemonade one, which was humorously entitled "Lemon Especiale" I gave him a good tip, and we went out to the patio to get away from the music and talk some.

Now, a patio in November (it was technically novemeber at this point) in SLC is not very warm. So we were not super comfortable, but it was the only way to have a conversation. So we talked for a while, and this guy in a tunic, who appears to be working for the bar comes over and checks on us, and he seems to be hitting on me, touching my shoulder, talking to me more than the others... it was nice. He wasn't exactly my type, but it's always nice to get hit on (which never happens in LA)

Another bartender was dressed like a Swat Team style police officer (complete with REAL taser) and we talked to him for quite a bit--he was really cute and very friendly. I was just taken aback at how much friendlier everyone seemed the whole night!

After we finished our drinks and went inside to dance for a bit, I ended up dancing with this guy in red strapless dress with a blonde wig who called himself "Alexis"--I couldn't figure out if he was just being cute to complete a costume for halloween, or if he really was a cross dresser. He was cute, and very friendly and we talked a bit during some of the dancing, as the club was getting emptier and emptier... near the end it was just me, Canyon and Alexis on the dance floor "they're all just so intimidated by us" I quipped.

So Alexis took off, and I was going into exhaustion since I was going on about 22 hours being awake (and traveling, which is always tiring.) and so we were heading out. But we stopped to ask one of the other employees who was sweeping up (he was also in a tunic) is it was true that they showed "Glee" here on Wednesday nights. He confirmed it, then turned to me and said "Can I rub your belly?"

I just about lost it laughing.

"Sure" I said, and he started rubbing my belly and said "That's hot". I asked him if he liked chubby guys and he said yeah. So I gave him a hug and told him that if I wasn't sharing a room with three other people that night, I'm might have taken him home with me.

Anyway, we went home (The three of us were all crashing at Scott's house) and just as I was about to finally get in bed and rest, I reached for the lamp in the basement where I was sleeping, and knocked it over in the dark. The moment between when I knocked it and it hitting the ground is vivid. I blurted out "OH MY GOD" at full volume, which was punctuated by a resounding CRASH as the glass around the lamp shattered all accross the basement floor (and me in stocking feet).

Needless to say, I basically woke up the entire household. The Alan Westermark and his son (both in from San Diego with an early morning departure) were awoken, as was Sarah. I was so embarressed, and not because I broke the lamp, but because it was 3am and I'd just woken everyone up after a very very long day. Sigh.

Everyone was very cool, C. helped me quietly clean up the glass in the dark (I only got cut once!) and then we talked quietly before hitting the hay.

The next day, I was picked up by Marcus and he took me to Brunch with a bunch of people from the party. Robert, Brandon, Michael R., Michael W., McKay, and, Marcus and I went to Market Street Grille, and I had my first Mojito. It was actually really good, I enjoyed it.

After that we went geocaching which was fun, and then we went back to the Michael's apartment and played Catch Phrase. I napped for a while, and then we made dinner (Just me and the two Michaels, as others had to leave)

All the guys made me feel so welcome in Salt Lake. It almost makes me want to move up there so I can be a full time part of this awesome gang. Sadly, I don't think that's reason enough—I've got to build Moho Zion right here in LA!

So that was essentially my trip. A lot of fun. I'm sorry if I rambled on incessantly with every mundane detail, but I really enjoyed myself, and figured I'd share with you.

I'm really excited for the next two months--this is a great time of year (aside from the darkness) because it's so busy and I can keep myself distracted from how much I want a boyfriend! HAHA.

Also, stay tuned for an important post tomorrow...

The Best Independence Day Weekend Ever

Matt from "dripping with optimism" came down from Sacramento to spend his holiday weekend with me. I initially enticed him with the promise of a Death Cab for Cutie concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

When ever someone from out of town visits, I'm always delighted because they motivate me to get out and go places I've never been or are "touristy". We had a super packed weekend, and Matt did a stellar job of outlining a basic plan, but allowing everything to flow and feel natural.

Friday, we went to the LA Zoo and braved the heat and sun to see all the cool animals. I think my personal favorite might have been the Ocelot. As we waited in the 45 minute queue to get tickets into the zoo (crazy, right?) Matt and I got to talking and I found out that he was aware of the movie "The Wizard of Speed and Time" by Mike Jittlov. Which is amazing because NO ONE knows about this movie. You can only buy second hand VHS copies of it on ebay or Amazon... it's just not out there.

Which inspired us to head to Mike's house in Silverlake. We just drove by, but it was fun. We walked down Hollywood Blvd and checked out Michael Jackson's star. Then we went up to the Hollywood and Highland complex, and took this classic photo:

We are SO sexy... lol. I kept wanting to fix Matt's glasses--they are a bit warped, and so they don't sit quite level on his face. That night, we went to the LACMA and caught a bit of free Jazz. Then we checked out the Mullholland Overlook:

Below, the city stretched out like a glittery dream. Still light out, but at that magic hour when the earth and the sky are the same intensity.

The next day, we went to Huntington Beach. I'd gone last summer with my roommate, and the fireworks show they have was phenomenal. So when we got to the beach, we jumped right into the water--and it was COLD. It was surprisingly cold--even a stalwart Mainer such as I could only last about 20 minutes before my hands started to loose feeling!

We walked around to warm up... but as the sun went down, Matt was shivering uncontrollably. (I was chilly, but okay--but I've got insulation). He wasn't sure he'd be able to hold out for the fireworks.

We sought out a wind break in the nook of a building. I pulled Matt in front of me and had him lay against my chest. I wrapped my hands around him and held his hands (which were freezing) and put my cheek on his ear to keep it warm. It was very cozy.

And I just enveloped him and held him for about an hour and half. We watched the fireworks together like that and I've not felt so contented and peaceful in ages.

People walked by and stared, and I didn't care at all. I stared back--one woman smiled as said it looked cozy--boy was it ever.

As I sat there, I I told Matt that he was going to make some guy really lucky someday. He said "igual"

Ditto, essentially.

I'm kinda honored that he trusted me and felt comfortable enough to share that moment with me. I'm so lucky to have a friend like that. Thanks Matt, for making my Independence Day into a really treasured memory.

We drove home, happy and singing classic 90's hits in the car. It took two hours to fight traffic home--but it was a blast. When we got home, we made Root Beer Floats and watched Clue.

The next day, it was on the the Los Angeles Natural History Museum. I'd say this is my favorite photograph that I've taken in a long time, from the African wing:

After that, we hit up Chipotle for a late lunch/early dinner and then went to the Death Cab Concert--the reason for the trip, the finale to an amazing weekend:

The concert ended with a fireworks bonanza for "Transatlanticism" as a finale.

Believe me, you had to have been there. It was an INCREDIBLE finale to a great concert.

The next morning, as I drove Matt to the station, I admit I teared up a little--I'm a sucker for a goodbye. :( Anyway, thanks for the fun times, Matt. Hope to see you again soon.

Flying To Friends: A Weekend Of Mohos and Flight Woes

I decided several months ago to book tickets to Salt Lake City for the May Moho Party. And as I landed in Phoenix, AZ after the first leg of my journey, I saw this sight:

I watch the patchwork farms
Slow fade into the ocean's arms
Calm down, release your cares
The stale taste of recycled air

The Postal Service - Recycled Air

It was an epic journey to say the least. When I landed, I was blessed with a visit from Austin. We sat in the classy Phoenix International Airport and discussed the drama and the joy in each others lives. From crazy haters chatting him up on his blog, to the troubles with his boyfriend's coming out to his family, to our perspectives of what it means to be Mormon and gay. A delightful time. My only complaint was that it was too short of a visit. I have a feeling we'll get to cross paths again, though. Before I went back through security, we snapped this pic:

If only I had realized that I'd be in the airport another 3 hours, I would have asked him to stay longer. Or maybe gone somewhere. It went down like this: I went back through security, and headed toward the gate indicated on my boarding pass. When I got there, I found that they'd moved the plane to the gate at THE EXTREME OTHER END OF THE ENTIRE TERMINAL!  I checked the signage and found that my flight was "On Time" and hustled the 2/3rds of a mile or so (thank goodness for moving walkways) to the new gate.  Upon arriving, I settle into the waiting area, only to realize that I've been called to the counter--everyone has been called to the counter--to receive a new boarding pass and a 10 dollar meal voucher, as our flight has been cancelled due to mechanical failure. The next flight wouldn't be leaving until 8:15, which meant that I was now scheduled to arrive in SLC at 11pm. The party would be drawing to a close by the time I arrived. Frustration and anger welled up inside of me. And rather than recap these feelings, I'll merely provide you with this link to the stream of conscience writing that I did after I finally boarded the plan.

CAUTION--READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED--OBSCENITIES AND BLASPHEMY THAT YOU CAN'T BELIEVE ARE WITHIN THIS DOCUMENT.

Well, I finally arrived and while waiting for Scott to pick me up, I spotted a guy who I thought was gay from when we boarded in Salt Lake, and he and I were alone on the platform waiting together, and I still kick myself for not just starting a conversation.  I need be be less of a coward--why shouldn't I just struck up a conversation with a cute boy, even if he is straight and/or I'll never see him again?  It's practice! Anyway, the party was fantastic.  I met some people for the first time, and some old friends were reunited.  My day had been so sour prior to that party, but when I walked in the door I felt like the Fonz "HEEEEEY!" And was immediately happy.  Special thanks to all those people who waited until I got their before leaving--especially Clint.  His blog was the first one that really spoke to me, and it was so well written, not to mention our common background in media production.  We became fast friends, and I was so happy that he waited for me.  Hugs were administered.  Smiles were shared, and conversation, though painfully brief, was delightful.  Sadly, he left not 10 minutes after my arrival.  I had so many other new friends there though, the sadness didn't hit me until the next morning.

Before I left, I snapped this picture of the greatest couple--our gracious hosts, Scott and Sarah.

The next morning as I watched "Were The World Mine" (excellent film, I'll buy it--I already have the soundtrack) I got a little sad. As I played scrabble with the kids, I felt increasingly depressed. As I drove to the airport with Scott, I questioned him about how he felt watching a movie like that--didn't it make him ill? It made me ill thinking about him--having detrimental side effects to his life no matter what he does. He answered my questions--he's such a wonderful man and Sarah is such a wonderful woman. Their strength makes me feel so inadequate.

I was doing a lousy job of holding by my tears as I wished Scott a goodbye. Hugged once--then twice. Told him how much I loved him and his family. I turned away and walked inside, and started bawling.

I'm sure I was a sight to see. The perky TSA agent who checked my ticket didn't bat an eye, and for that I was grateful. Her concern would have turned my muffled tears into an outright wail. Even now I'm not 100% sure why I cried. I felt so tumultuous inside, I felt despair at leaving such dear friends behind that I'd shared mere minutes with. I felt the weight of decisions not mine to make, and the fear and trepidation of consequences not yet meted out. I cried because I have so much love in my life and my path is so easy. It seems that I must be an incredibly weak soul, for God to provide me with so many blessings and so few trials--knowing just how little I would be able to handle.

I learned that Clint was departing from the same Terminal and Concourse as I, and so I was delighted to find that I got another 40 minutes to hang out with him before going home. He could see my tears and I felt no shame in them... but I think I did a piss-poor job of explaining them. When surrounded by strangers, it's hard to have a conversation about what you're feeling.

I got a picture of my friend before I boarded:

And as I sailed away into the sky, I saw the otherworldly appearance of the great Salt Lake--and the illusion it created that we were already miles above the earth, when we'd actually taken off moments earlier.

Why have I been blessed?
Why do I deserve this?
Who will ever love me?
Will I ever know with a surety that my path is good?

And I closed my eyes and leaned back, and tried to understand.

The Airport Pickup

Seinfeld says that the airport pickup is the most important indicator of friendship.

That being said, if I booked a flight to Scott's moho party on May 30th, and arrived mid-day on May 30th, or late Friday the 29th, who would be able to grab me from the Salt Lake airport and bring me to the party?

And who would be willing to put up with me--er, I mean, put me up for the night?

Let me know! I'd really appreciate getting all this figured out before I book tickets, and the longer I wait, the higher the prices get!

Oh, and I still have some good lengthy updates coming, including a brief review of "In Quiet Desperation".  Stay tuned!

Moho Comradrie - Reflections after the New Years Party

Last night I attended the Moho New Years party at Scott and Sarah's.  As indicated by my previous post, I was apprehensive about how the evening would go.   When I arrived, it took me a little while open up and get comfortable. Of course, one thing about a party full of Mormons is that we don't have the social lubricants used by most of society...

But things started to flow, and I met some wonderful people.  I would list them, but I wouldn't want to list names without permission.  Needless to say, everyone was really amazing, friendly, and fun.

After some delicious food and conversation, the karaoke came out, and I sang showtunes and James Taylor and more with D. from "No Day But Today", and though I couldn't always hit the highest notes, I still thoroughly enjoyed myself--I should go to a karaoke place sometime.

After we rang in 2009 with sparkling cider/juices and a toast to our host, we settled in to a game of Catch Phrase.  I thoroughly enjoyed this--some of the highlights included one of Scott's boys saying "it's something you hang up at christmas", and accepting the answer "Holly Berry", when the phrase he'd been reading was actually "Halle Barry"; and a clue to get "gizmo"--"It sounds like that prison in Cuba".  Hilarious times.

I was graciously allowed to spend the night since I had 4+ hour drive back to St. George.  Alan from Scrum Central was also staying, and I was privileged to share some thoughts and feelings about the church and my life path.  Having the opportunity to discuss things with someone who understands the intellectual and spiritual perspective with out translation was so cathartic--I'm sure I'll enjoy discussing it with my therapist on Monday.  

One of the things that's interesting is that Alan has kids, and part of me is incredibly jealous that he has a family, something I've always wanted and continue to want.  Yet, he is jealous of me, and my coming to terms with myself at a young enough age that I'm able to choose a path o my own.  The grass is always greener on the other side?  Well, frankly, it all sucks, but we manage to make it work.

We must remember that the situations in which we are placed are exactly what we need to experience to grow into the person that God has in mind for us.  If was placed into Alan's situation, I might not be able to handle it, I might snap--but the converse is also true--Alan wouldn't necessary be the man he has become had his situation been different.

In the end, I am so blessed to have been able to attend.  On my drive home, I reflected on how far I've come, what I've learned, how much I've changed, and overall--how happy and at peace I feel.

It was an amazing moment, and as I drove home thinking fondly of all my new friends, the sun setting on the first day of a new year spoke to me so feircely that I pulled over and took this photo stitch.

Here's to a new year of beauty, happiness, and joy.

PS:  I thought some of you fellas were really cute... you probably know who you are... :)