Moho Halloween!

As many of you know, I went to Salt Lake City and visited with all my moho blogger friends. It was so wonderful and I had some great experiences.

Most of you were at the party, and know it was a nice time with lots of socialization and some great costumes. It was a really good time, but many of my readers were there, so I'm going to skip to the "after party" if you will... haha!

After the Moho party and Scott's house, Canyon, his friend C. and I went to this club in SLC to get a drink and dance a bit. It seems a little weird to think about gay bars in Salt Lake City, but I'm glad they exist—the immediate difference I noticed was that this place was practically empty, whereas on halloween night gay bars in LA are twice as packed as normal!

We went to the bar, and the 'tender said all they serve is beer (probably a result of SLC's ridiculous liquor laws). Canyon hates beer, and our very attentive bartender offered to make us "samples" of different beers with juice mixed in. So we took him up on the offer, and he made us three samples. I tried the first one, which tasted like cranberry juice. He told me it was called "Cranberry Summer Breeze" (which he said with a playful lisp) and I laughed, it was actually really good--cranberry juice, soda water and michelob. So I got that. There were two others, one with OJ and another with Lemonade (Canyon got the lemonade one, which was humorously entitled "Lemon Especiale" I gave him a good tip, and we went out to the patio to get away from the music and talk some.

Now, a patio in November (it was technically novemeber at this point) in SLC is not very warm. So we were not super comfortable, but it was the only way to have a conversation. So we talked for a while, and this guy in a tunic, who appears to be working for the bar comes over and checks on us, and he seems to be hitting on me, touching my shoulder, talking to me more than the others... it was nice. He wasn't exactly my type, but it's always nice to get hit on (which never happens in LA)

Another bartender was dressed like a Swat Team style police officer (complete with REAL taser) and we talked to him for quite a bit--he was really cute and very friendly. I was just taken aback at how much friendlier everyone seemed the whole night!

After we finished our drinks and went inside to dance for a bit, I ended up dancing with this guy in red strapless dress with a blonde wig who called himself "Alexis"--I couldn't figure out if he was just being cute to complete a costume for halloween, or if he really was a cross dresser. He was cute, and very friendly and we talked a bit during some of the dancing, as the club was getting emptier and emptier... near the end it was just me, Canyon and Alexis on the dance floor "they're all just so intimidated by us" I quipped.

So Alexis took off, and I was going into exhaustion since I was going on about 22 hours being awake (and traveling, which is always tiring.) and so we were heading out. But we stopped to ask one of the other employees who was sweeping up (he was also in a tunic) is it was true that they showed "Glee" here on Wednesday nights. He confirmed it, then turned to me and said "Can I rub your belly?"

I just about lost it laughing.

"Sure" I said, and he started rubbing my belly and said "That's hot". I asked him if he liked chubby guys and he said yeah. So I gave him a hug and told him that if I wasn't sharing a room with three other people that night, I'm might have taken him home with me.

Anyway, we went home (The three of us were all crashing at Scott's house) and just as I was about to finally get in bed and rest, I reached for the lamp in the basement where I was sleeping, and knocked it over in the dark. The moment between when I knocked it and it hitting the ground is vivid. I blurted out "OH MY GOD" at full volume, which was punctuated by a resounding CRASH as the glass around the lamp shattered all accross the basement floor (and me in stocking feet).

Needless to say, I basically woke up the entire household. The Alan Westermark and his son (both in from San Diego with an early morning departure) were awoken, as was Sarah. I was so embarressed, and not because I broke the lamp, but because it was 3am and I'd just woken everyone up after a very very long day. Sigh.

Everyone was very cool, C. helped me quietly clean up the glass in the dark (I only got cut once!) and then we talked quietly before hitting the hay.

The next day, I was picked up by Marcus and he took me to Brunch with a bunch of people from the party. Robert, Brandon, Michael R., Michael W., McKay, and, Marcus and I went to Market Street Grille, and I had my first Mojito. It was actually really good, I enjoyed it.

After that we went geocaching which was fun, and then we went back to the Michael's apartment and played Catch Phrase. I napped for a while, and then we made dinner (Just me and the two Michaels, as others had to leave)

All the guys made me feel so welcome in Salt Lake. It almost makes me want to move up there so I can be a full time part of this awesome gang. Sadly, I don't think that's reason enough—I've got to build Moho Zion right here in LA!

So that was essentially my trip. A lot of fun. I'm sorry if I rambled on incessantly with every mundane detail, but I really enjoyed myself, and figured I'd share with you.

I'm really excited for the next two months--this is a great time of year (aside from the darkness) because it's so busy and I can keep myself distracted from how much I want a boyfriend! HAHA.

Also, stay tuned for an important post tomorrow...

Lovesick

I took a trip east this last week. It was incredible. I visited Maine, Boston, and New York City. I ate amazing food, like good EAST COAST PIZZA tried wine, oysters, scallops, a whole fish, a shot. I saw my sister, my best friends, old acquaintances and haunts.

It was a bittersweet trip, the joy of the reunion, only to be met with the sorrow of departure soon after.

While in New York, I met up with Paul, who is this guy I met up with back in August. He's super sweet and thoughtful and hot, and he's into me back... so that's what makes it all the more frustrating that he has just started figuring out his sexuality. He's 29 and just testing the waters of his bisexuality, and so even if I did live close to him, there's a good chance it wouldn't work out properly. Sigh.

I need to just snap out of it.

But for the first time since coming out, the first time since Seth, I feel like I've met someone who excites me, who makes it hard for me to stop thinking about them. He makes me disinterested in searching for companionship elsewhere. Because I want to make it work with him.

But I'm not a fool—I understand that I'm just in love with the possibilities. I'm infatuated with his body. I'm sure there of plenty of guys who are not attractive to me who are better matches emotionally and spiritually and intellectually, but I never give them a chance because the attraction is not there... this whole thing is frustrating.

Anyway, I'll talk to you all more later,

Peace.

The Best Independence Day Weekend Ever

Matt from "dripping with optimism" came down from Sacramento to spend his holiday weekend with me. I initially enticed him with the promise of a Death Cab for Cutie concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

When ever someone from out of town visits, I'm always delighted because they motivate me to get out and go places I've never been or are "touristy". We had a super packed weekend, and Matt did a stellar job of outlining a basic plan, but allowing everything to flow and feel natural.

Friday, we went to the LA Zoo and braved the heat and sun to see all the cool animals. I think my personal favorite might have been the Ocelot. As we waited in the 45 minute queue to get tickets into the zoo (crazy, right?) Matt and I got to talking and I found out that he was aware of the movie "The Wizard of Speed and Time" by Mike Jittlov. Which is amazing because NO ONE knows about this movie. You can only buy second hand VHS copies of it on ebay or Amazon... it's just not out there.

Which inspired us to head to Mike's house in Silverlake. We just drove by, but it was fun. We walked down Hollywood Blvd and checked out Michael Jackson's star. Then we went up to the Hollywood and Highland complex, and took this classic photo:

We are SO sexy... lol. I kept wanting to fix Matt's glasses--they are a bit warped, and so they don't sit quite level on his face. That night, we went to the LACMA and caught a bit of free Jazz. Then we checked out the Mullholland Overlook:

Below, the city stretched out like a glittery dream. Still light out, but at that magic hour when the earth and the sky are the same intensity.

The next day, we went to Huntington Beach. I'd gone last summer with my roommate, and the fireworks show they have was phenomenal. So when we got to the beach, we jumped right into the water--and it was COLD. It was surprisingly cold--even a stalwart Mainer such as I could only last about 20 minutes before my hands started to loose feeling!

We walked around to warm up... but as the sun went down, Matt was shivering uncontrollably. (I was chilly, but okay--but I've got insulation). He wasn't sure he'd be able to hold out for the fireworks.

We sought out a wind break in the nook of a building. I pulled Matt in front of me and had him lay against my chest. I wrapped my hands around him and held his hands (which were freezing) and put my cheek on his ear to keep it warm. It was very cozy.

And I just enveloped him and held him for about an hour and half. We watched the fireworks together like that and I've not felt so contented and peaceful in ages.

People walked by and stared, and I didn't care at all. I stared back--one woman smiled as said it looked cozy--boy was it ever.

As I sat there, I I told Matt that he was going to make some guy really lucky someday. He said "igual"

Ditto, essentially.

I'm kinda honored that he trusted me and felt comfortable enough to share that moment with me. I'm so lucky to have a friend like that. Thanks Matt, for making my Independence Day into a really treasured memory.

We drove home, happy and singing classic 90's hits in the car. It took two hours to fight traffic home--but it was a blast. When we got home, we made Root Beer Floats and watched Clue.

The next day, it was on the the Los Angeles Natural History Museum. I'd say this is my favorite photograph that I've taken in a long time, from the African wing:

After that, we hit up Chipotle for a late lunch/early dinner and then went to the Death Cab Concert--the reason for the trip, the finale to an amazing weekend:

The concert ended with a fireworks bonanza for "Transatlanticism" as a finale.

Believe me, you had to have been there. It was an INCREDIBLE finale to a great concert.

The next morning, as I drove Matt to the station, I admit I teared up a little--I'm a sucker for a goodbye. :( Anyway, thanks for the fun times, Matt. Hope to see you again soon.

An Undated Note...

(I’m unsure when this was written, as it is an undated note, but it was written in the summer of 2007.)

“Why is Joseph wearing this fruity jacket? He should be wearing something macho—leather or combat fatigues” –Advertising execs at Christian Booksellers.

“Do we want kids to turn out gay because of the Bible story with a fruity coat?”

Affirmation Young Adult Cornerstone

Canyon and I will be attending the 1st ever Affirmation Young Adult Cornerstone Conference in San Francisco, CA on July 17th and 18th (Fri/Sat). It's $20. Check it out if you can, it'd be awesome to see some familiar faces there. You never know what could happen!

Flying To Friends: A Weekend Of Mohos and Flight Woes

I decided several months ago to book tickets to Salt Lake City for the May Moho Party. And as I landed in Phoenix, AZ after the first leg of my journey, I saw this sight:

I watch the patchwork farms
Slow fade into the ocean's arms
Calm down, release your cares
The stale taste of recycled air

The Postal Service - Recycled Air

It was an epic journey to say the least. When I landed, I was blessed with a visit from Austin. We sat in the classy Phoenix International Airport and discussed the drama and the joy in each others lives. From crazy haters chatting him up on his blog, to the troubles with his boyfriend's coming out to his family, to our perspectives of what it means to be Mormon and gay. A delightful time. My only complaint was that it was too short of a visit. I have a feeling we'll get to cross paths again, though. Before I went back through security, we snapped this pic:

If only I had realized that I'd be in the airport another 3 hours, I would have asked him to stay longer. Or maybe gone somewhere. It went down like this: I went back through security, and headed toward the gate indicated on my boarding pass. When I got there, I found that they'd moved the plane to the gate at THE EXTREME OTHER END OF THE ENTIRE TERMINAL!  I checked the signage and found that my flight was "On Time" and hustled the 2/3rds of a mile or so (thank goodness for moving walkways) to the new gate.  Upon arriving, I settle into the waiting area, only to realize that I've been called to the counter--everyone has been called to the counter--to receive a new boarding pass and a 10 dollar meal voucher, as our flight has been cancelled due to mechanical failure. The next flight wouldn't be leaving until 8:15, which meant that I was now scheduled to arrive in SLC at 11pm. The party would be drawing to a close by the time I arrived. Frustration and anger welled up inside of me. And rather than recap these feelings, I'll merely provide you with this link to the stream of conscience writing that I did after I finally boarded the plan.

CAUTION--READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED--OBSCENITIES AND BLASPHEMY THAT YOU CAN'T BELIEVE ARE WITHIN THIS DOCUMENT.

Well, I finally arrived and while waiting for Scott to pick me up, I spotted a guy who I thought was gay from when we boarded in Salt Lake, and he and I were alone on the platform waiting together, and I still kick myself for not just starting a conversation.  I need be be less of a coward--why shouldn't I just struck up a conversation with a cute boy, even if he is straight and/or I'll never see him again?  It's practice! Anyway, the party was fantastic.  I met some people for the first time, and some old friends were reunited.  My day had been so sour prior to that party, but when I walked in the door I felt like the Fonz "HEEEEEY!" And was immediately happy.  Special thanks to all those people who waited until I got their before leaving--especially Clint.  His blog was the first one that really spoke to me, and it was so well written, not to mention our common background in media production.  We became fast friends, and I was so happy that he waited for me.  Hugs were administered.  Smiles were shared, and conversation, though painfully brief, was delightful.  Sadly, he left not 10 minutes after my arrival.  I had so many other new friends there though, the sadness didn't hit me until the next morning.

Before I left, I snapped this picture of the greatest couple--our gracious hosts, Scott and Sarah.

The next morning as I watched "Were The World Mine" (excellent film, I'll buy it--I already have the soundtrack) I got a little sad. As I played scrabble with the kids, I felt increasingly depressed. As I drove to the airport with Scott, I questioned him about how he felt watching a movie like that--didn't it make him ill? It made me ill thinking about him--having detrimental side effects to his life no matter what he does. He answered my questions--he's such a wonderful man and Sarah is such a wonderful woman. Their strength makes me feel so inadequate.

I was doing a lousy job of holding by my tears as I wished Scott a goodbye. Hugged once--then twice. Told him how much I loved him and his family. I turned away and walked inside, and started bawling.

I'm sure I was a sight to see. The perky TSA agent who checked my ticket didn't bat an eye, and for that I was grateful. Her concern would have turned my muffled tears into an outright wail. Even now I'm not 100% sure why I cried. I felt so tumultuous inside, I felt despair at leaving such dear friends behind that I'd shared mere minutes with. I felt the weight of decisions not mine to make, and the fear and trepidation of consequences not yet meted out. I cried because I have so much love in my life and my path is so easy. It seems that I must be an incredibly weak soul, for God to provide me with so many blessings and so few trials--knowing just how little I would be able to handle.

I learned that Clint was departing from the same Terminal and Concourse as I, and so I was delighted to find that I got another 40 minutes to hang out with him before going home. He could see my tears and I felt no shame in them... but I think I did a piss-poor job of explaining them. When surrounded by strangers, it's hard to have a conversation about what you're feeling.

I got a picture of my friend before I boarded:

And as I sailed away into the sky, I saw the otherworldly appearance of the great Salt Lake--and the illusion it created that we were already miles above the earth, when we'd actually taken off moments earlier.

Why have I been blessed?
Why do I deserve this?
Who will ever love me?
Will I ever know with a surety that my path is good?

And I closed my eyes and leaned back, and tried to understand.

F*ck You Very Much!

BEWARE: F-word abounds, but it's totally worth it.



I love this song, and now it's stuck in my head.

Ezra is MORTIFIED

In case you weren't in the Bay Area on April 17th, here's an audio recording of my performance. I recorded it with my digital still camera, which was sitting behind a booth. If you find it hard to hear--tough cookies, If I could have gotten a board feed I would've!



For those who might not want/care to listen, you can download a PDF of the piece, here. But trust me, it's more fun to hear me read it and hear the audience reactions.

SSA Hiring Initiative

I opened my inbox this morning and was greeted with an e-mail from my EQ Pres with this subject line:

"Fwd: SSA Hiring Initiative: Free Teleconference"

SSA=Social Security Administration... not Same Sex Attraction.

LOL.

Longer post sometime today, I promise.

Ezra

And There's The Problem...

So it's official. I'm not gay enough.

I'm in the Castro blogging from my phone. A little while ago I had lunch at a little restaurant here called "home". They had an amazing meatloaf sandwich that knocked my socks off. But I digress.

When I got my check, I asked my (gay) waiter what I should do or what was a must see. He directed my that if I as going up towards this one area that there were a bunch of bars and strips clubs "like I think there's a Hustler strip club up there.". Yeah then I directly asked what to see and do in re Castro and I got told to check out the Castro theater because they show classic films.

So even in the heart of the Castro people don't even ask if I'm gay because it's apparenty not even in doubt. Now granted, I realize that maybe he just wanted to air on the safe side, assuming that straight people can get offended when their sexuality is questioned, and many gay men would be merely amused or flattered by the assumption that on is straight. But still.

I do not feel like I fit in in any community anymore. I'm pretty much done with
Mormonism and I'm still not comfortable with myself and don't identify with the gay community. I feel sick to my stomach.

Anyway, Mortified is tonight and if I'm lucky someone will invite me out with their group so I don't feel like a total loner lamo.

I feel like in many ways I like the person I was when I was in the closet a lot better. I feel less confident and more reserved an shy than ever. Sigh whatever I just am really lost.

Being Here For Once

I have been meaning to make several blog posts as of late and I find that the only time I have lately have been sitting at the laundromat.

This also gives me an excuse to practice and hopefully improve my iPhone typing speed and accuracy. So far, so good.

Anyways, I'll start this post talking about my recent trip to Yosemite National Park. It was amazing. I didn't think that I'd want to stay the full six nights as I was alone, however I found that once I was out in nature, I was fine. No, I was better than fine, I was amazing.

I feel peace when I am alone in nature. My mind grows quiet, the gears slow down, and I am suddenly present. 100% present in the here and now. For once in my life, I'm not thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner or worrying about the next day at work. For once in my life, I don't reminisce about the past or dwell on mistakes.

For once in my life I feel free.

That's the power of nature-- that's what God is supposed to feel like. We shouldn't spend our days pining for some imaginary heavenly glory that may or may not be what we think it is or even exist! We must work to build Zion HERE RIGHT NOW. Because that's where we live.

The Airport Pickup

Seinfeld says that the airport pickup is the most important indicator of friendship.

That being said, if I booked a flight to Scott's moho party on May 30th, and arrived mid-day on May 30th, or late Friday the 29th, who would be able to grab me from the Salt Lake airport and bring me to the party?

And who would be willing to put up with me--er, I mean, put me up for the night?

Let me know! I'd really appreciate getting all this figured out before I book tickets, and the longer I wait, the higher the prices get!

Oh, and I still have some good lengthy updates coming, including a brief review of "In Quiet Desperation".  Stay tuned!

Yosemite

Seriously guys--who wants to take a weekend to Yosemite with me and stay at the this lodge?
Cuddling is optional, though highly recommended!
It's times like these that I really wish I had a boyfriend... :(

Were The World Mine, I'd Be Thinner...

Not a long post today, but wanted to give a couple of updates:

Tonight I'm going to a screening of a film and panel discussion with Andrew, a gay christian who reads mine and Chedner's blogs and lives in Los Angeles.

Here's the blurb:

Do I Look Fat?
From the personal stories of seven gay men who have struggled, or continue to struggle, with eating disorders and body image issues, Do I Look Fat? uncovers reoccurring and interconnecting themes that support this "self-esteem disorder." Film will be followed by a discussion. Directed by Travis Matthews, 2005, 58 minutes.

I'm looking forward to making friends with a member of our "extended" family, and maybe learning some information about body image problems.  Though I don't have an eating disorder, I definitely have body image issues.

Secondly, after watching a trailer for "Were The World Mine" on D.'s blog, I went to Amazon and bought the movie--or so I thought.  When it arrived, I realized that I'd bought the soundtrack.  The movie has not yet been released on DVD!

After an initial feeling of disappointment, I ripped the tracks and began to listen.  I am still not through the whole album, because I was stopped dead in my tracks by the amazing track title track "Were The World Mine" (click to listen)

And I will sing that they shall hear, / That I am not, I am not afraid, / I am not afraid / I know not by what power I'm made bold, / But still you flout my insufficiency / The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.

I am not afraid! I shall not fear! But I know that my boldness comes from my knowledge of my heavenly father's love, and the love of my friends and family.  The church, in all it's follies, took my prayer, and made my grace lesser by taking the joy from my life and telling me that somehow I was "lesser".

Best wishes and love to all my friends everywhere.  Try to remember that I'm hear for all of you if you ever want to call me or IM me.

Geocaching and other Fun Times

I probably should be in bed right now, but hell, there's too much to talk about.

And no, I didn't watch the Oscars, though I've seen Dustin and Sean's speeches and they made me happy.

Today, almost on a whim, I decided to pack my bike onto the back of my car and drive to visit beautiful San Jacinto.

I took my bike and road it through the fresh air of San Jacinto. Mind you, manure could be considered pollution, but that almost makes it seem more fresh to me--real country air. I rode just over 8 miles, which isn't overtly impressive, but not bad, either. Here's my route:

I found a geocache there, and then headed back south to Jack In The Box for a quick bite to eat.

I stopped and did one final Geocache on my way back home.

And one final exciting occurrence--while driving home in I-10, I picked up a middle aged woman with a suitcase who's care had broken down and drove her about 50 miles to LA. It was kind of nice to have a travel companion, and I was really pleased that my selfish trip could be turned into an opportunity for service.

Then I got home and did laundry, and spent WAY to long on this blog post.

Goodnight friends!

What's Missing? - Performing Arts and Passion

Last night I attended the Mortified Doomed Valentine's Day Show in Los Angeles.  I was able to attend free, as a guest of the producers.  For those of you who don't know, I'm going to be performing in their March 11th show!

I attended the show with a friend from college, and I tell you, I never laughed harder.  The stories that people told, "ripped from the pages of real life", were so amazing.  I am not going to try and re-create the experience for you, because it is impossible.  Seeing these fully grown men and women, reading their journals and showing their drawings from their 15 year old counterparts, was indescribably delightful.  How absurd we are as we grow up!

After the show I was emotionally pumped in a way I hadn't been in a while.  I am so eager to perform at that show in March--I'm already getting that healthy stage fright--that anxious high that all actors feel in the pit of their stomach right before they step out into the spotlight.

That night, I dreamed.

In the dream, I was back in my High School auditorium at Harrisonburg High School.  My drama teacher, Mr. Swartz was there, but he wasn't directing this show--I was.  I had a script in my hand, and I was trying to direct the actors on stage.  The rest of the cast, who's scenes weren't being actively rehearsed, sat in the audience, doing homework and talking (as we were wont to do back when I did theater in high school).

I set down my script to give a direction, and when I turned back to pick it up again, the script had gone.  I began to search for it, and the kids in the audience kept talking, and my rehearsal began to break down.  Louder talking and laughing, and my script was nowhere to be found.

Anger building, I exploded.  "You all need to either sit quietly or step out into the foyer if you're going to talk!  And who stole my script?"

I don't remember much after that, but I remember I was pretty unsuccessful at regaining control of the situation.

But what does it mean?  Maybe I feel like I used to have a script--the church and is proscriptions for life--and now I don't, and I'm losing my control over the direction of my life.

Or maybe it's just random recall from being excited about performing again.  I love theater probably as much if not more than film and television.  I love rehearsals, opening night, and the magical experience of suddenly realizing that you are the character, and of course, the most gratifying sound in the world--the applause.

Film makers and web-series creators don't get to see the smiles they put on their audiences faces.  They don't get the thrill that ever night something could go wrong or brilliantly right, earning them that standing ovation.

I started watching Hello, Dolly! this week (haven't had time to finish it), partly because of the song "Put on Your Sunday Clothes" that was featured in the opening sequence of WALL-E.  Not only is this show a terrific example of a big budget musical extravaganza, like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers or The Unsinkable Molly Brown, it feels good.  Just watch and listen:

"There's no blue Mondays in your Sunday Clothes!"

I've been having blue days a lot lately, and maybe it's because I don't wear my Sunday clothes anymore.  I have nothing to get excited about or dressed up for.  

I'm have no passion.

Theater is something I'm passionate about, but I don't get to express it enough.  I'm passionate about finding a boyfriend, but I'm so far unsuccessful. 

If I could perform for a living, I would in a heart beat.  The problem is, I'm too scared, too comfortable, too fat, have no technical training and frankly don't have enough tenacity to even attempt it.  So instead I seek out little opportunities to be on stage in every day life.  Reading to children at a local elementary school(doing that this weekend), or reading my journals to 300 people in a Mortified Show, maybe running for public office?

Lately I just feel like I'm on that treadmill again--running and running and getting nowhere.  Just relax, Ezra.  You've got a lot of time to figure this stuff out.  Don't get your panties in a bunch just yet.  It's never too late to start over.

Missionary Position (A One Man Play)

Tonight I went to see "Missionary Position" by Steven Fales, author of "Confessions of a Mormon Boy" with Alan of Scrum Central at the Celebration Theatre in West Hollywood, CA. (That's a lot of links in one sentence, huh?)

The play hit home in so many ways, and as Steven knelt down and pleaded and haggled with God to "make [him] straight" I just wanted to hug him.

And not because he was really cute with a smile that lights up a room.  But because I saw myself in him.  His portrayal of his pre-mission teenage self, begging with God for forgiveness about his "self abuse" problem, begging to be made straight, cut me to the core.

I saw my 19 year old self, sitting in church on a Sunday, crying in the pew with my head down, asking God why I couldn't be free from this evil.  I'd sit and imagine my death and, despite the intense pain accompanying the impact with an oncoming T (subway) train, how sweet the release of death would be.

Throughout the play, Fales breaks into verse from classic Mormon hymns.  Ye Elders of Israel; Shoulder To The Wheel; Called To Serve; and more, and it was hard not to sing along.

In the first ten minutes, Fales jokes about how being a missionary for two years is like paying tithing on the first 20 years of your life.  I lost it and laughed very loudly when no one else in the theater did.  He looked right at me, and said "Oh, hello Elder!"  He knew I must be Mormon, and it was wonderful to see his eyes light up.

The show is not going to go over well with most Mormons, which is a shame, because so much of the show is lost on it's generally non-mormon audience.  For once I kind of felt like an honored guest or a member of an exclusive club--I was perfectly positioned, along with Alan, to get both the "gay" jokes and the "mormon" jokes!  Alan does a very delightful review (he wrote it next to me while I was sitting on the couch writing this, actually!) so I'm not going to re-hash it for you.  Needless to say, it was a grand old time.

After the play, Alan and I went to talk to Steven.  I gave him a hug and we "outted" ourselves to him.  He was so warm and receptive, and was so glad we came to the show.  I think he was genuinely pleased to know that we were all in the same boat.  Of course, I got an autograph and a photograph to remember the occasion.

25 Random Facts About Me

Someone tagged me in one of those things where you're supposed to post the same on your blog--except I like this one, because it's completely open-ended. It's just 25 random facts about you...

1.) I love my name and honestly can't imagine ever being called anything but Ezra Horne.

2.) I was a contestant on the Price is Right in 2008, and I won a week-long getaway to a lodge in Yosemite National Park.

3.) I've never been in a serious relationship.

4.) Whenever I'm stopped at a light, I often check out who's behind me in the review mirror and speculate about them.

5.) I've helped Jeff Probst (Survivor) and Gilles Marini (Sex and the City Movie) cheat at Scrabble against Seth Green (Robot Chicken) and Skeet Ulrich (Jericho) at a Charity Event.

6.) I didn't stop wetting the bed until I was 8 or 9.

7.) I've dressed in drag for at least two different plays.

8.) Though I love California and the good changes it's helped me to realize in my life, I miss New England a lot.

9.) When I walk by a homeless person on the street, I make sure I don't adjust my path--I want them to know that I don't fear them, and want them to think I'm not thinking less of them by acting as if they are infected. Though often I really am uncomfortable.

10.) I have an addictive personality.

11.) My mother doesn't like the Beatles, and I think that explains why I only really started to hear Beatles a lot when I got out of the house.

12.) I weighed 283 pounds at this time last year. I now am fluctuating around 263-266.

13.) My obesity causes me to feel undesirable, so much so that it overshadows my knowledge that I'm a really good guy with a lot to offer.

14.) I feel that In-N-Out Burger makes up for the fact that Pizza in Los Angeles is Sub-par.

15.) Secretly I want to be a stage actor again.

16.) In most situations when I'm bored, I will sing to myself, and I worry that it makes people afraid to approach me, and makes me seem crazy--but I hate holding the song inside.

17.) My office at work has a terrific view of the Hollywood Sign, but most of the time it's behind a blackout curtain. Whenever I look out at it though, I feel a little bit better about being where I am.

18.) When I was in Boy Scouts, I never advanced beyond the rank of Tenderfoot, though I was in the program for a good 3 years or more. Mostly because I didn't care about badges and rank--I just liked camping and hanging out with my friends.

19.) The prospect of going to a club is of zero interest for me, and mostly because I'm incredibly self conscious about my weight and lack of coordination.

20.) ...which is why I find sports and dancing to be incredibly scary. (Square dancing excepted.)

21.) I know how to square-dance.

22.) My siblings are the best I could ever ask for and I can't imagine life without them.

23.) I've owned 3 cars, and never paid more than 1,200 dollars for one of them.

24.) I scored a 1290 on my SATs, and part of me wanted to take it again because I knew I could break 1300, but I hated the test so much I said "it's good enough".

25.) I've lived in five different states: California, Massachusetts, Maine, Virginia and Utah. I consider Maine to be my "home state" and California will probably be the place I live the longest.


Hope you enjoyed that, it was rather difficult to come up with all those! Hope everyone is having a fantastic day.