While in therapy yesterday, I was explaining that since coming out, I've become more active and vocal regarding GLBT issues, because I feel it's my duty. It would be selfish and irresponsible for me to let others do all the work for my equality, freedom and dignity.
But I never wanted to be a fighter. I never wanted to have to stand up and defend myself. I never wanted to make a statement. I just wanted to live my life according to the dictates of my own conscience and be done with it.
"But", I said, "I force myself to do the things that I'm afraid of. Because it's only by facing them that I can overcome the fear, and move towards being truly comfortable and at peace. I guess that's the difference--". At this point, a little switch clicked in my head. I started crying. I paused as I let the words that were on the tip of my tongue roll around in my mind. "--the difference between a coward and and a courageous man, is action."
My therapist smiled--she saw the door opening, just a crack--and light of truth flooding around the frame. I smiled, too.
"I know that both the coward and the courageous man are scared shitless--but the courageous man does what is right and true anyway."
I laughed and looked to my therapist. "So why don't I believe it?"