Sunday, January 11, 2009

May 23rd, 2001

And the bottom dropped out.

Dear Journal,

Today was another “bad day” in my effort, or lack thereof. I felt so worthless. I didn’t get anything done. Sometimes I wish I were dead, but I think that right now I’d go to hell, so either here or there is pain. There’s no escape. Ezra Horne.

This entry is so brief, and yet it's wording so intense that it makes me uncomfortable in many ways. I wish I could go back, I wish I could sit down with myself and set the record straight, but I can't.

It's so frustrating to thing of all the years I wasted feeling guilty and shameful--all of which was so draining, instead of focusing on service, helping others, and other self improvement. And yet, sometimes I feel like that is how I'm supposed to see it, and I've just been won over by evil...


  1. Ezra, I have to admit reading your blog is very frustrating. It is extremely vague and you seem to enjoy being allusive. Leaves your readers feeling cheated...


  2. hi dude i viewed your blog its nice,i like to share my link.visit my

  3. @Jennifer--Sorry that my posts are vague. Though I don't really see how this is vague.. it's pretty clear that I'm super depressed about my inability to not masturbate.

    I hope you enjoy my next post, there is no allusion in it whatsoever.